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Charlie Sheen this morning.

And yes, it is just as crazy as you thought it was going to be.

Sheen, who looks as though he as aged about 20 years since last he appeared on camera, says among other things that he is a "rock star from Mars" and that he is going to return to Two And A Half Men...but expects a raise. Some highlights:

On continuing the show: "I'm not angry. I'm passionate. Everyone thinks I should be begging for my job back. I'm going to forewarn them that it's everybody else that will be begging me for their job back. I'm a man of my word. I will finish the show and even do season 10. At this point because of emotional distress it's $3 million an episode, take it or leave it....I'm underpaid now."

On getting, er, sober: "I said, 'Dude, you're 45 and have 5 kids, let's do something different."

NBC's chyron: "Sheen to CBS: Apologize 'while licking my feet.'"

"Tired of pretending I'm not special... [I'm] a rock star from Mars."

Also? He has tiger blood.

NBC clearly intends to milk their time with Sheen for all it's worth: the segments are being sprinkled throughout this morning's entire show and teased every few minutes between Oscar highlights.